One Moment At A Time

I was born in the early 60's. A few months before JFK was assassinated and a year before the Beatles came to America. In those days home was real, it was safe and it was as tangible as the apron around my mother's waist.

Now here I am half a century later, the world around me bears very little resemblance to the world in which I grew up.

I find myself grieving over those years- those easy days that now seem so very far away.  I remind myself - a lot- that you can't stop progress and while today's technological advances seem very foreign to my generation, they do have some merit. The advances in health care and medicine for one, have no doubt made the world a healthier place. The ability to communicate with virtually anybody- anywhere-at anytime has made life less lonely and the access to the world wide web has literally brought knowledge to our very doorsteps.

Yet with all of these 'advances' I admit, I'm restless and mistrusting of things that otherwise look friendly.  I often feel homesick for those simpler days when letters were handwritten and books had paper pages.

To ward off those blue days- those depressing moments when I feel that today's world and its many advances are passing me by, I stop and realize I still have an advantage. I have experienced things that have made my life rich and even if I often feel left behind in today's quickly changing society I can be thankful for the memories I have and the places I've been.

I am thankful for my family- dysfunctional though they were (are ) they were real and they were present.

I've been loved by a good man who was my father and by 2 grandmothers with hugs as calming as the homemade quilts they wrapped around us. I'm thankful that I was given a love of books and for knowing the rich, musty smell of a library. May they ever be a town staple.

I'm thankful for the days of youth, playing kickball with friends from the neighborhood and the feel of grass on my bare-feet.

I've been lucky to have eaten a sun-warmed, ripe tomato while standing in the garden dirt, my feet and elbows covered in mud and tomato juice.

I've had good pets- loyal dogs and funny birds that made me laugh with their tricks and whistles.

I've been a bride in a white dress, holding my dad's hand as he nervously walked me down the aisle.

I've known the feel of a tiny life growing inside my body and felt that fiercely protective fear that comes with being a mom.  I've looked into the eyes of my newborn babies and felt them feeding at my breast.

I've watched storms blow up over the Gulf of Mexico and felt the furious wind of a hurricane. I've swam in the ocean, in muddy ponds and icy rivers. I've laughed till I cried and I've cried till I've laughed.

I've had silent prayers that were answered and have seen things that can only be labeled as miracles. I've seen the hand of God in a mountain, and lost my breath over fields of sunflowers swaying under the hot Kansas sun.

I've danced under the stars with the man that I love and together we have watched the sun rise and set over the Rio Grande . I have slept on a cot in the desert under an inky New Mexico sky and in humbled awe stood at the rim of the Grand Canyon. I saw the flooded Mississippi Delta as the muddy waters consumed everything in her path. 

I've breathed the cool air of the Appalachian mountains surrounded by misty morning fog. And I've left a foot print in a glacier on a Rocky Moutain in Montana. 

In South America I stared at the wild poinsettias that grew as tall as trees and provided shade for the dirt floor huts beneath them.

I have taken a stand for causes that moved me and have argued my opinions with educated minds but also, I've debated issues and have had my mind changed, and my eyes opened.  I've had my heart broken by things I couldn't control and mistakes I could never correct. 

I've made angels in the snow and castles in the sand and I've watched shooting stars leave trails across the sky.

I was there when my grandson took his first breath and I held my sister's hand when she took her last.

I've had friends that loved me in spite of myself and whose shoulders have held me as I've sobbed.

I've danced on a stage and sang in front of a crowd and I've spoken to people about the mysteries of the world. I've been wealthy and I've been poor and have given food to the hungry and have had food given to me when it was my pantry that was bare.

Yes as I age I have became an unwilling member of yesterday's generation.  I realize that I have had my moments in the sun and now as I watch my children and their children grow up in a world that I can't save them from, I will still smile at dogs, and birds and the sun and I will tell them that life is not made up only of the good times, the easy days or the happy memories. I will teach them - my children -that to live fully means to embrace every moment- even the dark ones.   I will still believe in miracles and will speak for causes even if nobody hears me.  I will show them that life is a masterpiece and every event, every person creates a brush stroke on the canvas of our lives. I want them to know that even the most lovely of creations must contain some dark colors. This is life, this is living and this is what makes us who we are.