The company was in a downward spiral and I hadn’t been happy there for months. Too much politics and nepotism and too little appreciation for the sixty-seventy and sometimes eighty hour work weeks. It had worn me down and stolen the sparkle from the position I had once felt lucky to have. Now as the end of the emergency cushion in our bank account grows ominously nearer, I admit it takes more effort than usual to stay positive.
I’ve been doing pretty well up until recently when I made the mistake one morning of checking our bank balance and well, yea so maybe Ignorance really is Bliss.
Fighting the urge to panic & run out and grab a job-any job- I've been staying focused by spending more time meditating and checking in with the Universe.
Yesterday afternoon I’m sitting on the bed, propped into a semi-meditative position by three pillows and Max (our chubby, senior citizen chihuahua) when I heard the prompting of my higher power niggling the edges of my mind.
“So, Linda When will you be happy?” The voice whispered.
Oh I had an answer, this was easy I thought.
"I'll be happy when Steve and I can travel. When we stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon or snap selfies at Mt Rushmore. You know, the stuff that hippy dreams are made of."
“Ahh" What if that never happens? Then, when will you be happy?” whispered the Voice.
“Well, when we can at least live comfortably without having to worry about sleeping in the backseat of the Camry".
“Understandable but what if you know, the money runs out before you're ready then....
When will you be happy?”
Urghh, was there a point here? I sighed.
"Okay, so when our kids are secure and settled and thriving, most def then we'll be happy for sure”. Good answer. I was confident.
“Hahaha…six kids, all secure and settled and happy at the same time? Girl you really have a lot to learn."
Why was the Universe starting to sound like my mother? Was she actually chuckling at my well-intended answer?
"Okay at the risk of sounding redundant, all these things I get", said Mother Universe.
"In the best case scenario you and Steve will live that dream of seeing the world while your bank account grows or at least stays stable, and your kids and their spouses and their kids- are all settled and secure and happy…I get that- who wouldn’t be happy? But – just what if those things don’t happen? Or what if they only randomly happen? What if none of them ever happen all at once or for very long? Then my hippy child…When will you be happy?”
I was silent all the way to my core, I had apparently missed something important here. Suddenly- like a bird being pitched out of the nest, I understood what Ma Universe was trying to teach me, maybe.
Happiness is NOT a destination. Maybe those clever words weren't just a quote on a bumper sticker. Suddenly I realized what they meant, and though I had read them probably 100s of times, hell I had likely even said them to someone at some point in my life. With the help of the Universe maybe I finally understood their depth.
I had placed some pretty high stakes on everything in my life turning out just right and unless/until those things all came to be I would ..what? Never be happy? Be doomed to live a life sans happiness?
Happiness is NOT a destination, the wise voice of She-Who-Knows had whispered.
Maybe it's a step. It's each step. Perhaps Happiness is more likely the road map TO the destination. Wow mind blown!
Thank You Universe for this life-changing reminder. Happiness isn't a distant place or time but rather it's right here for the taking- all I have to do is reach out and grab it.
With a wiser and gentler heart I understood the message the Creator was trying to teach me. Tonight right now, I can chose to be happy.
While I have dinner in the oven, no it's not filet mignon, but it's something.
While the TV plays in the background & the dryer tumbles our laundry... (we have electricity and clothes and a tv and cable).
Tonight our kids- if not happy- are ok. Better than ok, they’re fine.
I can be happy right now- just like I imagined.
I will. I will be happy right this moment, this Tuesday night at 7:37. I’ll be happy right NOW.
NOW. Three little letters that I had a hard time accepting.
THIS is what it means to live in the moment-in the N-O-W.
THIS I am learning is the definition of BLISS- 'happiness in spite of perfect circumstances'.
This is happiness. And yes Virginia, Ignorance really is BLISS-
don’t check that bank account balance until you can handle it.
So I have a lot to learn, I agree. But the Universe is a patient teacher and speaks in a way that I can understand. I am grateful and for me, gratitude and happiness are kind of the same thing.
Be thankful, Be Blessed- Be Happy, NOW.
Namaste my friends and peace for every step of your journey for it's in each step that happiness is found. In the NOW.
